Proud (and happy) to be a miserable feminist

Aspazia started talking about this yesterday and after reading and commenting on her post and then reading the later comments (this is what I love about blogs - the building of the text), I though that I'd post my extended response. Go and read her fantastic post first though - here.
I then went to the Slate article that Aspazia refers to but didn't get far before my jaw dropped and I gave a snort of laughter that even roused LJ from his WoWing. Check this:

Feminist ideals, not domestic duties, seem to be what make wives morose. Progressive married women—who should be enjoying some or all of the fruits that Freidan lobbied for—are less happy, it would appear, than women who live as if Friedan never existed.

So is that to say that those of us who identify as feminists and hold what are largely viewed to be feminist values are simply cursed? That we are less likely to be happy because of our pesky feminisms? It is just so much simpler and easier than contemplating the possibility that we are perhaps more likely to be offended and frustrated by situations that discriminate against us and skew power against and away from us. Or that we are just more likely to be vocal in our complaints. Seriously, I am shocked that the conclusions drawn from this study are so both superficial and offensive. I'm shocked that they can even be presented as sensible conclusions. But then, perhaps I'm not so shocked *wry smile*. Funnily enough O'Rourke does go on to say:

Of course, conclusions like these are never cut-and-dried. This study is based on surveys conducted between 1992 and 1994, and measuring marital happiness is a little like trying to quantify sex appeal. But the data are nonetheless worth pausing over, especially if, like me, you've long subscribed to the view that so-called companionate couples have the best chance at sustaining a happy partnership.

This is a complete cop-out. Present the ridiculous conclusions and then add in a neat little disclaimery type frou-frou to hide the extent of their ridiculousness, distract with some irrelevent gabble and then put in a little dig at 'so-called companionate couples.' WTF? Is 'companionate' supposed to be a kind of sarcastic euphemism for progressive? Or is it really supposed to mean 'harmonious and suitable' and in that case be a sneer in the face of compatibility (see, you think you get along great but just wait until those feminist value kick in, things will fall apart!).

Across the board, progressive women are less likely to feel content, whether they are working or at home, and no matter how much they are making.

We are such troublemakers. What on earth might we have to complain about?

The study's authors, W. Bradford Wilcox and Steven Nock, speculate that fault-finding on the part of wives makes it hard for men to do the emotional work that stabilizes marriages.

What?

Meanwhile, traditionalist women—a significant portion of whom are Christian—expect less emotional work from their husbands, Wilcox and Nock speculate, which makes it easier for them to shake off frustrations, and less likely to nag.

Don't get me started on 'nagging' (another word with negative connotations that serve to present it as an unattractive, undesireable, unnecessary activity - the preserve of the harried harpy - and we wouldn't want to be that now would we?).
By the end of this article I was close to putting my laptop on the table next to me and walking away from it, coming back and wagging my finger at it. You know, no, just no. I honestly haven't felt so annoyed for a long time. It's one thing to criticise feminist beliefs but it's another thing to blame those feminist beliefs and expectations for change and frustrations with lack of change for generating the dissatisfactions and unhappinesses of those that hold them. As a feminist who has for the first time in her adult life, been almost entirely supported financially by her partner, I absolutely know that the problems I've had with my new role stem from feeling that the work I do is neverending; that it can be, if not completely unrecognised, not afforded the same clout as 'work' done outside the home; that those who experience my work are often those upon whom I am somehow directly financially dependent as well as emotionally involved with.
My feminist beliefs do not make me unhappy or dissatisfied. I love my feminism very much and my values give me a great deal of peace and comfort. Rather, it is the society that supports the norms and dominant ideologies such as those that underpin this article, that frustrate and anger me. Aspazia hits the nail on the head when she says:

These articles are designed to scare women into giving up their quest to demand they be treated as human beings. The idea here is that if they continue on their silly feminist paths, they will wind up stressed out, pooped out, Prozaced up, and unhappy. So, give it up ladies. Just admit that its easier to stay-at-home and find a male provider.

I'll add to that: admit that if you do stay home the struggle to be also treated as a human being, as a working human being will cause you great anguish. But we know that frustrated and angry and even unhappy as we may be on some days, this particular struggle is worth it. So in this I will agree with Aspazia

Isn't the fact that we believe in something bigger than our own damn happiness more important than our actual happiness?

And add again - and this make me, for one, a lot happier.